Seven Months

Today was a hard day. Today marked the seventh month anniversary of my friends death. I cried more today than I have in many months.  Maybe it was pms or pre-menopause, the rain, or who the hell knows what… but today it hit me hard.  There are not many people who knew me as intimately as my friend did.  She knew the best and worst in me, saw me fall apart in a crying fit, embraced me and held me closer than a sister… there are only a few people in this world who know me like that, who I trust and who push me the way she did.  It isn’t that I don’t think of her every day. The tattoo I got on her last day conscious reminds me every day… it is a sun, a reminder of summer, happiness and light.  It is the perfect rememberance of her bright spirit.

I wonder if I have been understanding and compassionate enough to others suffering and recovering from loss… I only hope I can trust my past self that I was… today I only wanted to reach out to those feeling this same loss and say how much I feel their pain, how much I miss her still and even after seven months, I still can’t believe it is real.

She was with me on my run today, as I contemplated an upcoming dance, ideas flowed and I thought of ways to have her with us in spirit.  I had the comfort in knowing that even if she thinks my idea is no good I will be able to pretend that she approves.

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